Posted by
Kilroy on Monday, December 03, 2007 9:00:39 AM
KHARTOUM – Mohammed the Bear,
the stuffed animal at the center of the recent controversy in Sudan, has been convicted in the assault of a young eight year old Sudanese girl.
According to witnesses, the bear struck shortly after the young girl picked up and hugged the cuddly toy. As she put the bear down, the bear pounced, beating, abducting, marrying and then raping the child. Defense attorneys for the bear claimed that the girl brought the attack on herself through her behavior. Further, they claimed, their client was merely asserting his rights under Sudanese law as a bearer of the name Mohammed.
Immediately upon his conviction the bear was taken to Martyr’s Square where, as his punishment, he was forced to watch the young temptress subjected to 40 lashes after which she was beheaded. Deemed fully rehabilitated, Mohammed the Bear was then returned to court to begin his new responsibilities as the Sudanese Minister of Justice.
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LOS ANGELES – Coming just 6 years, 2 months 19 days after the September 11, 2001 attacks on America, the striking Writers Guild of America has issued a statement denouncing terrorist leader Osama bin Laden after Al Jazerra Television announced on Thursday that they would be airing a new tape by the Al Qaeda head. The statement read:
“(
Osama) bin Laden’s most recent production is a direct attack on our 12,000 members who are struggling daily to feed their families as this strike goes on. – As is evidenced by the films “Rendition”, “Redacted” and “Lions for Lambs”, we’ve generally been supportive of Al Qaeda’s war against the imperialist BushHitler Administration. Frankly we hoped for, indeed expected, some reciprocity – It’s clear to us now that Osama is merely a tool of The (Alliance of Motion Picture and Television) Producers and little more than a scab – When we get back to work he can count on us writing some really bad things about him.”
