Posted by
Kilroy on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 10:52:34 PM
… 'cause I’m plannin' on goin' homo Pocatello, ID – Pleading an error in judgment led him into entering a guilty plea for charges of disorderly conduct related to “inappropriate behavior”, United States Senator Larry Craig (R-ID) vehemently denied the factual allegations arising from a June 11th incident in the Minneapolis Airport in which he was accused of soliciting gay sex from a policeman acting in an undercover operation.
Allegedly Heterosexual Policeman Allegedly Homosexual Senator
The saga began early this summer when a decidedly gay looking although allegedly heterosexual undercover police officer claimed to have shared an intimate moment with a conservative looking yet allegedly homosexual United States Senator. According to the police report, while waiting for a bathroom stall to become vacant, Senator Craig allegedly spotted the decidedly gay looking policeman through a crack in the stall. Once the adjoining stall became vacant, Craig allegedly occupied the stall and, using his luggage, began immediate construction of a border fence around his stall. Prior to completion of the barrier, the decidedly gay looking although allegedly heterosexual police officer witnessed the conservative looking yet allegedly homosexual Senator “
tapping his foot”. The officer, recalling his training and his days at the police academy, immediately recognized the tapping as an invitation to engage in sex. The invitation thus extended, the officer quickly initiated a border crossing with the hopes of taking advantage of any potential amnesty offered prior to fence completion. The officer alleges that his reward was the offer of employment performing a job that the Senator's wife refuses to do. The Senator was promptly arrested.
Senator Craig, wife at his side, today held a press conference denying the solicitation charges as well as the allegations that he is homosexual. “
I am not gay, and never have been gay” declared the Senator. Craig went on to offer a different version of the event, claiming that, while “
conducting Senate business” he was listening to his favorite George Michael mix on his I-Pod. Craig suggested that what the officer interpreted as flirtation was merely Craig’s natural reaction, as a Wham! aficionado, to this toe-tapper of a tune:
You put the boom-boom into my heart
You send my soul sky high when your lovin' starts
Jitterbug into my brain
Goes a bang-bang-bang 'til my feet do the same
As further evidence of his innocence, Craig pointed out that “
Guilty feet have got no rhythm.”
While the legal aspects of Craig’s troubles seem to have ended with his guilty plea, his political troubles may be a long way from over. Massachusetts Representative Barney Frank has demanded a bi-cameral investigation into the matter of illicit gay bathroom sex and has vowed to “
probe longer and harder than I’ve ever probed into the nations public restrooms".
For his part, Senator Craig claims to harbor no ill will against the decidedly gay looking although allegedly heterosexual police officer, “H
owever, time can never mend
the careless whisper of a good friend”, Craig said.
