Posted by
Kilroy on Monday, July 09, 2007 5:23:01 PM
NEW YORK – Proving once and for all the theory that human activity is responsible for global warming, the planet experienced tremendous climate changes last weekend simultaneous to the performances of the 24 hour, 7 continent Live Earth concert. From near record temperatures that have blistered the United States Eastern Seaboard to raging wildfires in the west, the Earth rocked and rolled and simmered and sizzled to the sounds of some of pops most exalted artists.
Just as climatologists and concert promoters predicted, the earth’s temperature actually cooled .4 degrees during the performances of 20th century sensations Genesis and Madonna. However, even the shadow cast by the late addition of Al Gore to the line-up was not enough to offset the heat arising from later performances.
Officials at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration blame poor scheduling for the wild temperature fluctuations and residual warming that lingered after the events closed. Government scientists have demanded a role in the scheduling of performances for any future Live Earth Events. In response to the global emergency brought about by Live Earth, NOAA scientist Dr. James Ogden issued the following statement: “any idiot should have predicted the long-term impact of scheduling the Pussycat Dolls so late in the lineup without ensuring that proper “Pussycat Dolls Offsets” were in place.” East cost temperatures soared to the high ninety’s during the “Dolls’” performance and have remained dangerously high since.
Climatologists are planning an emergency Barbra Streisand concert tour in the hopes of bringing temperatures back into the normal range. Scientists are confident such drastic action is necessary and will be effective. “Think of it as stripping the earth naked and plunging it, testicles first, into ice cold water”, said Dr. Ogden.
