Posted by
Kilroy on Monday, May 14, 2007 11:35:27 AM
BUSINESS NEWS
FRANKFURT – Upping the ante for rival suitor Cerberus Capitol Management, the terrorist group al Qaeda has met and raised Cerberus $7.4 billion dollar bid for the struggling Chrysler piece of DaimlerChrysler with an $8.2 billion dollar bid of its own.
Industry analysts see the addition of Chrysler into the al Qaeda family of companies as an ideal fit into Al Qaeda’s core business of building exploding vehicles. Currently al Qaeda must acquire vehicles at market cost and retrofit its explosive devices to the vehicle. Design changes between model years mean that al Qaeda must anticipate many of those changes in its R&D process. The acquisition of Chrysler would create a profitable synergy by eliminating the need for “retrofit” designs and offer the opportunity for an integrated design process that incorporates the bomb installation phase right into the manufacturing process.
Labor unions at first expressed concern over the al Qaeda bid, largely because al Qaeda has been known to adopt many of the same tactics the unions use during strikes. “
Labor has since warmed to the idea”, said a masked spokesman for the UAW, “
we really do understand each other and feel we can work well together”. In return for the union’s support al Qaeda has assured the UAW that any potential reductions in force coming about by the streamlined manufacturing process could easily be absorbed by attrition in the Testing and Quality Control Department, negating the need for future layoffs.
