Posted by
Kilroy on Monday, April 23, 2007 9:25:54 AM
**ADVERTISEMENT**
IO – Apply directly after insult
IO – Apply directly after insult
IO – Apply directly after insult
Ever find yourself shunned by ‘decent’ society, in danger of losing your job, the victim of a harassment lawsuit for just a slip of the tongue or a bad joke?
YOU NEED “Insult Offsets”!
Yes, NEW from SHAMCO, (the people who brought you Carbon Offsets) comes the ultimate in protection. Here’s how it works!
For every joke, insult, derogatory rant or offensive utterance you make against a protected class, TWO offsetting insults will be made, in your name, against an unprotected group. Simply show your “IO Card” upon making the offending remark and dial the toll free number on the card to activate your “Insult Offset”.
IT’S THAT SIMPLE.
We offer packages including:
Caucasions (specify ‘cracker’ or ‘gringo’)
Republicans
The French
Wealthy CEO's
Jews (Hymies, Heebs, etc)
Heterosexuals
Catholic Priests
Christians
Sample offset - How many heterosexuals does it does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, breeders only screw other breeders!
We offer protection plans priced for every budget:
A one day pass covers, company picnics, speeches, drunken days at the ball park.
Seasonal and multiyear passes are available that will cover "contract periods", campaign cycles, etc.
Get added protection with our Premium Plan! – need minority “friends” to speak up in your behalf but don’t have any? Not to worry, we’ll provide the appropriate “lifelong friend” to fit any occasion!
PARENTS – Don’t let mistakes become a part of your child’s permanent record. Get the Student IO Card today! This is protection your child can’t get from the school nurse!
Here’s what others are saying about The IO Card:
Don from New York: “Never again, will I get caught with my pants down and Al Sharpton peeking over my shoulder – I’m getting The IO Card today!”
Michael from Los Angeles: “I used to have a successful career in stand-up comedy, now I live behind the dumpster at Olive Garden -- you can believe I am saving up for my IO Card!”
So, the next time someone says “You owe me an apology!” just show your card and say “I Owe? No, IO”
(SHAMCO is a division of Sharpton Management, Inc. -- The IO Card Protection Plans guard against legal and protest actions initiated by Sharpton Management, Inc. and any of its subsidiaries. SHAMCO makes no warrantees, expressed or implied, regarding any protection from groups or individuals not affiliated with Sharpton Management, Inc.)
