Posted by
Kilroy on Friday, March 30, 2007 8:15:21 AM
BREAKING NEWS:
NEW YORK – Acting on a tip from a concerned citizen, federal agents conducted an early morning raid on the home of television talk show host Rosie O’Donnell today and apparently seized a large amount of evidence. Sources say that the raid was the result of a tip from one Johnny Greedo, a pizza delivery driver who, while making a delivery, reported seeing a thin and scantily clad woman chained to a column in the O’Donnell home. Suspecting a possible kidnapping, Greedo phoned the local FBI Field office. “Clearly, that woman wasn’t getting ANY of the 15 pizzas per day I delivered there”, Greedo later told reporters.
Unconfirmed reports are that O’Donnell faces charges for violations of the Exotic Animal Protection Act for the large adult Dathomirian Rancor found living in her basement. The Rancor, along with several tons of Bantha fodder, was seen being removed from the premises and is believed to have been transported to the New York Zoo until it can be released back to the wild. Initial charges of unlawful imprisonment of the chained woman were dropped when it was learned that the woman was, in fact, O’Donnell’s wife.
O’Donnell is reportedly under house arrest while authorities, working with the Army Corps of Engineers and the New York Port Authority, arrange for her extraction and transportation to a suitable holding facility.
