Posted by
Kilroy on Tuesday, March 13, 2007 8:06:47 PM
WASHINGTON, DC - Having spent over 30 years searching the U.S. Constitution for its alleged “right to abortion”, the group NARAL Pro-Choice America has announced today that it will discontinue the search and change its name to NAAARAL.
“We felt it was important to project to the public the image that we are not a “pro-abortion” group. As such and effective immediately we’ll be known as the National Anti-Anti-Abortion Rights Action League”. By inserting the “Anti-Anti” into our name, we hope to convince the public that we are doubly against abortion as far as they know. We also hope that this change will stimulate donations and support from other NAAARAL minded groups such as the DNC for D&C” said NAAARAL President, Kimberly Muunbaht.
The epic search for the elusive right to abortion began in 1973 following the now infamous
“16 word declaration” by then U.S. Supreme Court Justice Harry A. Blackmun, wherein he described having
“irrefutable evidence that the Constitution has established and continues to maintain an ongoing right to abortion”. In announcing the NAAARAL decision to quit the search, Muunbaht, insisted that she continues to believe that the right to abortion exists
“somewhere” and admitted to being frustrated by the failure to locate it.
“Look, we had reliable intelligence that the Constitution had the right at some point but believe it’s since been moved. Quite frankly, when you are talking about a document the size of the Constitution, the clause could be anywhere. We could search for another 30 years and still not find it. That doesn’t mean that it’s not buried there somewhere, we just can’t devote any more resources to looking” Muunbaht said.
Sightings of the right have been reported as recently as the Clinton Administration by then National Security Advisor Sandy Berger. Rumors have circulated in recent years that someone in the Bush Administration has since moved the right to some unused section of the Constitution. Amateur “sleuth groups”, such as the Abortion Search Society, convinced of that theory, have taken to scouring the so called “freedom of religion” section of the First Amendment to no avail.
“We were sure they hid it there,” stated A.S.S. researcher, Ruth Ginsburg,
“and although the entire First Amendment area had clear indications of disturbance there was no sign of what we’re looking for. I guess we’ll start looking at the Declaration”. It's been thought that the right may have been moved to the Declaration of Independence, a document known to have friendly ties to the Constitution.
Over the years, skeptics of the original sighting have repeatedly claimed that Blackmun fabricated seeing the right in order to lure America into an illegal and immoral social policy. It has also been alleged that Blackmun’s discovery fell suspiciously on the heels of the pregnancy of his clerk, Maureen Lewinsky. Chief among the skeptics, self-proclaimed “anti-death mom” Sindy Cheehan has, for the past 7 years, camped out at the former Supreme Court Justice’s gravesite in protest. Cheehan claims that her decision to have an abortion in 1975 was based solely on the Blackmun statement.
“I just want the world to know the truth about “Blackmunster” and that when
“Blackmun Lied, Kids Died”, Cheehan said.
Over 45 million children have died from the procedure since Blackmun declared the successful beginning of abortion operations in 1973. In spite of the failed efforts to identify the whereabouts of the right to abortion NAAARAL President Muunbaht rejected the notion of those as being lost in vain, stating,
“I find it offensive that there are those that claim that these deaths were wasted. Some day it’ll be found and all of our effort will be recognized as worthwhile.”
